Overcoming Resistance to Outside Help

Some care receivers are very resistant to allowing outside help and to trying a respite care solution such as adult day care. In order to get support services needed by care receiver and caregiver alike, it helps to know some strategies for fostering cooperation.

For advice on how to handle your care recipient's resistance to accepting help from anyone but you, visit the web site of the American Geriatrics Society Foundation, www.healthinaging.org. Select "Public Education Resources", followed by "Eldercare at Home", then "Caregiving" on the Table of Contents page. Whether discussing hearing problems or behaviors associated with dementia, this web site explains the problem, tells you what you can do yourself and when you should seek professional help. It also provides sample conversations to use with service agencies and doctors, and gives suggestions for overcoming obstacles. There is even an article on what to do when you can't get information from doctors.

Here are three suggestions from the American Geriatrics Society Foundation's online caregiving guide Eldercare at Home, regarding how to overcome resistance:

• Involve the older person in developing and carrying out care plans.

• Explain your needs openly. Sometimes you need to ask the older person to do things to make your life easier just as a favor to you.

• If the older person disagrees or won't cooperate with the plan, suggest a trial run or a time limit - this puts off the final decision until he or she has had a chance to try the plan.

At the February 11, 2003 Fearless Caregiver Forum held in Tampa, Florida (one of many forums hosted throughout the U. S. by Today's Caregiver Magazine (www.caregiver.com), ideas for overcoming resistance were shared:

• Enlist the help of an independent third party who is a professional such as doctor, lawyer, or care manager in convincing your care recipient to accept services. Many people resist or ignore requests from spouse or child while listening to a person seen as an authority.

• Try statements such as, "Mom, do it for me" or, "I would feel so much better if I knew that you had __ (an emergency alert response button to call for help after a fall, home-delivered meals, someone to help you take a shower safely, etc.).

• Leave brochures or newsletters that tell about services lying around where the care recipient may see them and get interested.

• Show how a service will make it possible to remain independent longer. For example, attending an adult day care program may be feared as much as going into a nursing home. The reality is that it is more like going to a club that provides fun-filled daytime activities with the added benefit of being able to remain in the home longer. A visit to see what's going on there may help.

• If a "triggering event" such as a minor fall takes place, use that as the time and reason to add services that may prevent a major catastrophe. For a description of funding sources for services, see Stage Two, section 5.

• If all else fails and the care receiver is endangering himself or herself, you may have to make a decision that he or she opposes. If it seems necessary for you to take control of an incapacitated person in a way that goes beyond what you have in place now, you may need to apply for Guardianship. Guardianship is a last resort that can often be prevented by planning for incapacity. For more on this topic, see "Legal Considerations When Facing Incapacity" in the Alzheimer's (purple edged pages) of the Senior Resource Directory and online at www.agingcarefl.org/caregiver/alzheimers/legal. Another helpful article is "What Is An Elder Law Attorney?" found in the Senior Resource Directory and online at www.agingcarefl.org/aging/legal.

Next: Support Groups and Counseling For Your Care Receiver